Beatlewholock

‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

Pushing Daisies Characters » Ned (Season One)
I don’t retaliate. I’m not a retaliator. You let your emotions get away from you and everything falls apart.

mandatoryupgrades:

Anyone who thinks Shakespeare is boring apparently missed the greatest stage direction ever written:

“My mind,” he said, “rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. That is why I have chosen my own particular profession, or rather created it, for I am the only one in the world.” - Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four

siroctopusdesigns:

Today, Sir Octopus Designs is introducing Action Cards!

The first series features 8 famous fandom falls.

-“St. Barts” (featuring Sherlock)
-“Winter Quay” (featuring Amy & Rory)
-“Rainbow Bridge” (featuring Loki)
-“Tardis Cloud” (featuring Clara)
-“Astronomy Tower” (featuring Dumbledore)
-“Mount Doom” (featuring Gollum)
-“Moria” (featuring Gandalf)
-“Lucy’s Cage” (featuring Sam/Lucy & Adam/Michael)

Check out these cards at Sir Octopus Designs on Etsy.

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Frek had this to say about seeing these cards in person:

OMFG FJKDLFDSL I CAN’T EVEN, I CAN ONLY ODD!

Another tumblr user said:

I AM SO DONE